Turning a page....

It’s been almost 2 months (to the day) that I departed Cow Palace in San Francisco…and what a wickedly crazy two months it has been.  I jumped right into the summer semester of school, completed my community service for my grad program, dealt with some personal family health issues, and enjoyed some R & R.  I’ve had several urges to sit and write a blog update to describe and round out my personal experience with ALC, however, there was part of me that wanted to (selfishly) take time and reflect what it was I experienced and recognize how it changed me … and it did change me.  $16.3 million dollars raised for HIV/AIDS services in San Francisco and LA!  $16 million.  I was apart of that.  WE were apart of that.  It’s somewhat hard to put these emotions into words, particularly (for me) without shedding a tear.

While the days of the ride blend together, I have vivid memories of certain parts where I felt truly tested – physically, mentally and emotionally. 

Day 1 was bittersweet.  Riding out of San Francisco into an unknown terrain with your adrenaline pumping was an awesome feeling, however recognizing you have 545 miles ahead of you was somewhat of a buzz-kill.  “What did I get myself into?” popped into my head several times this day, particularly around mile 60 – where my upper back and neck felt like they were going to fall off onto the side of the road.  My body was definitely screaming at me, retaliating - not knowing what I had set out to do.  That first night at camp I set up my tent, showered, ate dinner, and B-lined it to the Chiropractic Tent for an alignment.  I never knew a neck crack could sound so loud and feel so good.

Day 2:  This was the 109 miler.  My VERY FIRST CENTURY!!!!   And one of my more favorite days, as well.  Flat terrain.  Tailwinds.  Sunny and blue skies.  And knowing I was staying in a hotel that night made those 109 miles worth every pedal stroke.  Along the ride, those who stayed in hotels were known as “Princessing” for the night. I was never so happy to be so dirty and tired…and be known to “princess” anything.

Day 3:  Quadbuster and the Town of Bradley.  Now, I’ll admit, I made it halfway up Quadbuster before I got off my bike and walked the other half.  Hey – I’m from Chicago…the only hills we have here are ramps into a parking lot.  And – as I was walking, there were riders that already made it to the top of the hill, turned around to go back down to do the Quadbuster all over again.  I heard some guy did it 4 times!  They’re nuts.  Before reaching the top, I got back on my bike, threw it into the lowest gear possible, and trucked it through.  I was humbled when the CEO of the SF AIDS Foundation (Neil) got behind me to push me up to the hillcrest.  (Thanks Neil!)  But the downhill ride made it worth it.

  (See -- I wasn't the only one!!!)

The Town of Bradley is where lunch was stationed this day.  Population 120.  The town shuts down (school and businesses) this day every year to cook burgers and raise money for their school programs, which receive little-to-no state funding.  Last year, ALC raised around $16k.  This year, we raised over $40,000!!!!   Amazing!   This was an added bonus.  Everyone in Bradley made us feel warm and welcomed.  I’m sure I can speak for many when I say the honor was ours to be apart of their cause.

Day 4:  You’re “Halfway to LA!”   A 91 mile day, but it didn’t feel like one.  Before officially making it “halfway,” one must climb NOT one, but two steep hills – nicknamed the Evil Twins.  It should be noted that I did not walk either of these hills and rode them both.  At the top of the second hill, we officially declare our halfway point.  As always, going downhill was my favorite part.  After this, we make our way back West toward the Pacific.  At this point of the ride, I felt like the hard part had to be over….

this photo was taken at the bottom of the hill, shortly after...

Day 5:  Red Dress Day and a personal mild set back.   Traditionally, AIDS Lifecycle holds a special day where all riders dress head to toe in the color red to raise awareness about the cause and symbolically create a giant red-ribbon through the hills and winding roads.  A fun day, to say the least.

It’s a short day – in fact, the shortest of the ride.  A mere 42 mile day.  Easy, right?   Well…at about mile 7, I was riding downhill and shifted to a higher gear to gain more momentum – when all of the sudden, it felt like my chain came off.  Well, about a half-a-second later, my back wheel rolled in front of me.  Panicking, I couldn’t clip out of my pedals in time to catch my balance and completely wiped out.  For weeks, I had a bruise that went from my rib-cage to my knee on the right side of my body.  I had to sag out this day.  Bike techs at the following rest-stop did not have the parts needed to fix my chain-derailer so I was bussed to camp, where I handed over my bike to the Cannondale folk and was told they’d call me that evening to let me know if/when my bike was fixed.   I was planning to camp this night, but screwed that idea and quickly booked a hotel room in the town of Lompoc.  Needless to say, I rested the majority of the day and did not receive a phone call about my bike.  There was a slight depression that fell over me, not knowing if I’d be able to ride.  It was strange…the want to get back on my bike and finish.  Physically, my body had enough.  Mentally, I wanted to complete this challenge.  Emotionally, well…my emotions agreed with my mental state.

(Notice the IL plates.  Illinois REPRESENT!)

Day 6:  5am wake up.  “Will my bike be ready at camp?”   Sure enough, it was!!!

I was just happy to ride the 88 miles ahead of me that day!  Crazy, I know.  But I came this far.  I wanted to complete this journey.   A beautiful and scenic ride through Santa Barbara and into Ventura.  It was the 2^nd to last day.   At the first rest stop, I called my childhood friend (and old LA roommate) Lucy – who lives in Woodland Hills (deep in the valley of Los Angeles.  An inside joke because she knows how much I loathe the valley).  Anyway, I asked Lucy if she wanted to meet me that evening in Ventura for dinner…and join me in attending the candlelight vigil on San Buenaventura State Beach.  She graciously accepted the offer and braved the drive up WHILE 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!  When I saw her, I was completely shocked she even agreed to make the trek in her condition.  She’s supported me in everything I’ve ever done throughout my life – it didn’t surprise me she would drive all that way, even knowing she could go into labor at any minute.   We dined at the Marriott (where I “Princnessed” for the last night of the ride…) toured the camp, watched the evening announcements, and made our way to the beach.  Lucy was a trooper, holding back contractions (no joke) and all.

Day 7:  Ventura to Los Angeles.   Our last day!   Now, months ago, I received an email from an old LA friend (Drew) who asked me if he could ride with me into LA on the last day.  At first I thought, “how awesome to offer – but he’s crazy if he wants to do this.”  Sure enough, 6am.  Drew is in the lobby of the Marriott.   Took the train up from LA (with his bike) the previous evening, “princessed” at a local hotel, and proved me right.  He is crazy!  J  I met Drew years ago when I lived in LA through my very good friend, Ashley.  Ashley and I were somewhat inseparable for a good amount of my time in LA.  Drew and Ash went to college together in PA and both moved out to LA.  My friendship with Drew was always peripheral with Ashley….and while I lived in LA, we only saw each other when Ashley brought us together.  Don’t get me wrong – we’ve ALWAYS enjoyed our times together (from what we can remember) but our lives were very perpendicular:  Drew lived on the Westside and worked in engineering;  I lived in West Hollywood and worked in the film/TV industry.    Oh – and Drew is straight.   Not that it makes any difference for a friendship…but we were just on two different paths in LA.  After going through the last 62 miles with him, what I can say about Drew now (and can probably say about our entire friendship) is how loyal, humble, and amazing he is.  I truly mean that.  He and I had a chance to bond on those 62 miles (particularly over that pitcher of beer at Gladstone’s in Malibu just before riding in).  That experience with him – the shear meaning behind him wanting to ride with me that last day – helped me connect and get to know Drew with my heart…and that means more to me than any friendship I ever make in life.   Thank you, Drew.  Words can’t express how your support that last day meant to me.

Excitement.  Anxious.  Adrenaline – this is what I felt riding into LA.  First stop in Santa Monica was to see these little nuggets!   These are Ashley’s twins (Avery and Taylor) and the gorgeous Lexi.  Ashley happened to be in Italy during the ride, but her Mom happened to be in LA watching the kiddos and Ashley sent them out to their corner (on San Vicente Blvd) with signs to cheer me into the finish line.  I adore this family so much!

Finish Line:  It was hard to miss my family as I rounded the corner of the finish line.  My twin bro: Terry.  My Sister: Molly.  My cousin:  Gerry.  My mother:  Karen.  My Rock:  Lucy (again).  My DEAR Friend: Ann Murphy.   My two LA besties:  Tony Crago and Jason Cobb.  My NYC Bestie:  Jared Cohen.  The good thing is, we caught it all on camera.  J  I was so grateful to have them there…familiar faces - cheering me on with love and support for riding the previous 545 miles.  They are my constant cheerleaders, though.  They’ve been cheering me on throughout my entire 7 year journey, some not even knowing it.  Again:  words cannot describe what that means to me and I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to form those words of thanks.  Something deep inside of me knows that they know how much I love and appreciate them. 

Today is the 7th Anniversary of my Dad leaving us.  I took him with me on this journey, as well. He's been with me through it all. 

Well.  That’s it.   Enjoy my sweet bikers/farmers tan below.  Don't be jealous.

Well….I could tell you how after this, my family and I went to a restaurant in Santa Monica where I randomly ran into 3 people I knew from when I lived in LA.  Or…how we ALL went out to AGO and I nearly face-planted into my food…Or how AFTER dinner, we all went out to West Hollywood and Molly stuffed dollar bills down a go-go boy’s speedo and got his privates bounced on her head (there’s even pictures…)……

but, I’ll save that for another time.

There are many things I didn’t bring up throughout this post….

The Chicken Lady

Random rider stories about how HIV/AIDS has affected them

The Poz Peddlers group

The Roadies / Volunteers

what I've learned / how much more there is to learn

…California.

….so so so so so so so so so much more.

Would I do this again?

FUCK YES!   Maybe you should too.

xo

Below is the official 2015 ALC Lifecycle Video....a great summary of what this ride is and means to so many.

Too tired to post...

I'm too tired to post.  Roughly 260 miles in. 

Although sore, I'm having a great ride.  Meeting some amazing people and hearing some inspiring stories of courage and bravery.  

Rode my first "century" yesterday 109 miles. Quad buster was today.  Tomorrow is the half-way to LA.  

More to come.  Here's some photos. 

Journeys: 4 Days, 12 Hours left.

The countdown continues until I ride out of Cow Palace in Daly City, CA.

Let it be a reminder that before taking on this feat, the last time I rode a bicycle was a Huffy in grade school (except for that week in P-Town with friends, where it was my only mode of transportation).

Therefore, nerves.  Excitement.  Anxiety.  Apprehension.   They're all still present.  If not, more now.  It's hard to begin this ride with an empty mind.  I feel somewhat over-prepared in packing but largely under-prepared in training.

As I review the route a little more closely in the days leading up, it's hard to comprehend the elevation I'll experience, the sights and landscapes I'll see, and the sense of community I'll feel once this journey begins.  Since this is a ride and not a race, I've been told my many (experienced riders and such) to have fun and not think of the 545 miles as an obstacle and just take it day to day.

So much about this ride has been about journeys for me.   Not only is this journey an internal and personal one, it's also a journey that has me diving into a very different reality than the one I know from my everyday life.  I can honestly admit that I am proud of myself for taking on such a difficult challenge.  Accomplishing it remains to be seen.  :)   I don't know anyone from Chicago doing this ride.  I have no doubts I'll meet people along the route with Chicago roots.  This made training lonely and hard over the past several months.  Others I do know and that have done this ride label it as a "life-changer."  While HIV and AIDS remains a label for this fundraising cause and effort, I have a feeling this may change for me during my journey.  I have a feeling I will come out of this ride a different person.

With that, I welcome the waves of emotions and feelings that are to come.  This journey will give me time to reflect, grow, and change.

I'm making this journey from SF to LA and hope I can demonstrate to myself that I can commit and work successfully toward my goal.  Along the path, I hope to meet, bond with, and experience incredible individuals (riders, local CA townspeople, roadies) whose personal struggles and resolve to this cause can help create that change and growth.  While long lines for coffee, food, and bathrooms are normal, uncomfortable weather and sleeping conditions are inevitable, I am looking forward to the humanity, the kindness, the generosity, and the openness this ride will bring out in everyone participating - just as much as I've experienced with all of you throughout these past few months.  We're all in this together.   Throughout this ride, I carry with me that the power of acceptance, comprehension and solidarity is within people - however expressed.

That's hope, folks.


Shoutouts

Courtney & Ryan Muldoon:  Your message, along with your donation, moved me greatly.  I think of you guys often, as well, and I appreciate your positive thoughts throughout this ride.  Thank you so much for donating!  I appreciate it greatly!  xo

Jason Cardenas:  my old friend!  I miss you!  Your donation and support means the world to me!  Let's set a time this summer to hang.  I would love to see you!

Esi Impraim:  LA will not be the same without you!  Ugh.  So sorry I haven't seen you these past few months.  This training, school and work have taken up a great deal.  Once this ride is over, it's you and me this summer!  Promise?  (I'm off most of the month of July....so let's plan something)

Tessa Murphy Burke:  It's been 20 years??  Thank you so much for opening up your heart and wallet to donate.  How kind and generous!!  You (and your family) have been an inspiration to me over the past several years.  I hope you know that.  The world is certainly round, my friend.  xo.

Tria Tedford: or should I call you Tria Aimes, now?  I can't believe you donated what you did...you just got married for crying out loud!!  Either way, I'm so so grateful for your donation, our time together a few weeks ago, and for our friendship.  Who knew that our crazy Jewish friend would be responsible for such a fun and everlasting friendship??  Miss you.

Eric Finnegan:  Dude!!!  Thank you for your EXTREMELY generous donation!  I don't see enough of you...and usually when I do, it's in the most random of places.  Let's try and schedule a Sunday Funday sometime soon.  And thank you, again, for your support!  I'm grateful for it - and our friendship!

Paul Mullen:  Dr. Paul!  How very thoughtful of you to donate and support!!!  I can't say I'm surprised.  It's been a while, too.  This must change.  Much appreciated!  :)


LA.  Friends & family at the Finish Line.  Here I come.

Happiness and Long Overdue "Shout-Outs"

“Happiness [is] only real when shared” 

– John Krakauer (Into the Wild)

A friend, whom I met in Alaska during the summer of 2003, gave me this book to read right before he left our summer experience to head back to the “lower 48.”  It’s a quote that has always stuck with me since reading it many years ago. 

Looking back, I realize there were many unhappy years … which left me throwing myself into work/my career, moving from coast to coast, and avoiding the reality of how to be emotionally healthy in living with this disease.  I lived in silence to many people, including myself, for much too long and to the point where I may have caused some irreparable emotional damage.  This unhappiness prohibited me to be open and share anything with anyone.  Unhappy with myself, the situation I placed myself in, but mostly unhappy about how living with HIV had killed the emotion and intimacy that I longed for with someone pre-HIV status.  That unhappiness seeped into my relationships with friends, families and those I dated and potential intimate relationships. 

Tyler Helms once wrote in an Op-Ed piece about his own journey with this disease that HIV is a truth not everyone will understand, but one that we can possibly all relate to, if we try - if we are open to the moment and encourage the tolerance for ourselves and others to be as well.  We all deserve the tolerance of our own truths; in those moments you find the freedom to feel.  That freedom to feel, whether you are negative, positive, gay, straight, alone, or married — that freedom of feeling makes us human.  That truth no doubt will set you free.  I can look back and think how I misused time and opportunities due to feeling certain ways.  I can only take those experiences as something learned and move forward. 

With that, what that has done for me is helped create new rules and standards for myself … for my friendships & relationships … for my quality of life.  Those who choose to move forward with me, I hope you continue to do so.  Those who have not, the invitation stands … but please note that respect runs both ways. 

# # #

I have some LONG overdue shout-outs and thank you’s to donors and supporters from the past six weeks!  Thanks to EVERYONE who donated, I’m up to $6,726 in fundraising efforts!!!!!!!!!  (I still cannot believe it)

It’s been a while since my last “thank you” post.  Where I lack in time, I make up with heart.  I do love writing these; not only do I try to make them personal, it’s like a walk down memory lane!  

There’s quite a few….so please bear with me:

Jill McArdle:  My old friend.  You’ve always been an inspiration to me.  I’d say come ride with me because we all know you can run a marathon without much training. J  Thank you for your very thoughtful and generous donation!  Love you.

Heather Hughes:  I can think of a reason why I love you for each dollar you donated.  Our friendship has reconnected in so many ways throughout the years since we were in grade school.  I’m grateful for that.  Thank you, my friend.

Joell Zahr:  You’ve been so kind and generous, not only with this donation, but throughout our friendship through the years.  Some of my favorite life memories involve you: You’ve been there for me in times of need (NYC, 2008, two huge jugs of white wine), You taught me how to breathe with “no air”… but know you can always stand under my “umbrella” –ella ella ella…Love you to the moon and back!  Thank you!

Megan Sheahan:  My sister-in-law!  The God-mother to my God-daughter!  My friend!  Thank you for your thoughtful donation and support, particularly over the years.  It does not go unnoticed!  Love ya!

Katie Condran:  While we always seem to go years without seeing each other, I love that we can still laugh as much as we always have been able to!  Thank you for digging deep in your pocket to show support!  I greatly appreciate it!  Xo

Allison Kennedy:  I miss our train rides.  And I miss you.  Thank you for the love and support, not only recently, but throughout the years.  Your donation means a great deal!  Xo

Scott & Katie Burns:  So happy we’ve remained friends throughout the years.   Your generosity means a great deal for me with both this cause and this ride.  I hope to make it out to CO soon!  Thank you, again, from the bottom of my heart!

Megan (Finn) Radon:  Cousin!  It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.  (This must change).  Thank you for your overall support!  Much love to you, my friend!

Qadree Holmes:  Dude – thank you!  Who would’ve thought that working on a film together years ago that you’d be supporting me in this journey!  I’m very thankful for this and our friendship!  You rock!  P.S.  your kid is adorable!

Mary (Murphy) Tenbrik:  I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your sweet and sincere message on Facebook….but here I am now, telling you that (yes, I remember KNUHC) and thank you for sharing your touching story with me!  I have no doubt it was a coincidence, either.   I have no doubt about the purpose I hope to bring to others with sharing my story.  I so appreciate your words, thoughts and generous donation!  Much love to you, my friend!

Mary Ellen & Edward Connolly:  You are friends of my Dad and Mom!  My mother (and Father) have spoken fondly of your friendship throughout our lives.  How incredibly kind & generous of you to support me on this ride?  I cannot say thank you enough! 

Kimberly Brown:  Dear friend, spanning all the way to my college years as an intern with the City of Chicago Law Division.  You. ARE. Awesome!  I miss our wine-night hangouts!  Long overdue, BTW.  Thank you for the laughter over the years, your support, for our friendship, and your generous generous donation!   Xo

Patti Arvesen:  Thank you for your donation.  I’ve said before how it amazes me to see how old friendships never really go away.  Much appreciated, indeed!  Xo

Drew DeFalle:  My time in LA was much better with you there, old friend!  I’m so happy our friendship has remained constant throughout the years.  I owe Ash a bit of thanks for introducing us!  I look forward to meeting up with you on Day 7 and riding with you into LA, if you’re still up for it.  Thank you for your support, friend!

Steph (Reynolds) & Tyler Qualio:  Thank you for your donation!  We may not see each other much these days, but knowing old friends like you support me says a great deal!  You guys rock…and your kids are adorable!  J  xo

Heather Rafferty:  A friendship since 2000 at Steppenwolf!  We’ve gone our own ways, but I’m so grateful of our friendship, your support, and donation – and for sharing my story on social media!  That meant a great deal!  Until our paths cross again….much much love, dear friend!

Tom & Monica Karnes:  Your unwavering support for, not only me with this ride, but my sister and her family is nothing short of gracious and amazing!  Thank you for all you do.  Most of all, thank you for your support and generosity! 

Damon & Elizabeth Wos:  Your donation is much appreciated!  Thank you for reading my story and supporting my efforts!  Liz – it’s been a while.  Hope our paths cross soon!  Damon – maybe I’ll see you at a random gas station in WI again soon. J

Xo

Megan King:  My sister from another mother!  We’ve been through a great deal throughout college and beyond.  Thank you for always having my back, your constant support, and love.   I know you’ll be cheering me on throughout my ride…and throughout the rest of my life!

Mike Sheahan:  Dude!  Thank you for your generous donation!  I’m so thankful for it.  Until our next family party…or dinner at NoNo’s.  xo!

Ludwig Dufrenne:   Who says generosity and support comes from the oldest friendships?  Thank you, kindly, for your extremely generous donation!  I’m so happy Anthony introduced me to you and Kevin.  Once this ride is over, we must celebrate and grab drinks!  Xo

Katie (Blum) Wood:  We’ve come a long way from our poor LA days - pushing our beds together and living in a 1-bedroom LA apartment with Lucy Riles and a St. Bernard.  I will always remember our roommate days with smiles and laughter!  Thank you for your donation and support!  I’m grateful for it!  Say hello to Eric for me!

Nora & Bridget Sheahan:  I love how both of you (separately) wrote “You rock” in your personal donation messages!  It must be a twin thing.   Either way, YOU BOTH ROCK for your donations…and for our constant and everlasting twin friendship over the years!  Love you both! 

Tony Barranda:  Tony Taco!  Can we just go back to 2004 White Party in Palm Springs with all of our friends, when times were carefree and fun?  Thank you for your support!  I’m so happy to still call you my friend.  I hope to see you in LA! 

Josh Deering:  You’ve always been such a kind and generous person!  It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, but I’m forever grateful for your EXTREMELY generous support with this cause and my ride!  Rock on, man!  And thank you!

Erin Griffin:  I can say thank you 1000x for your support throughout the years…I may have if you add them all up!  Our paths crossed in the most unlikely of places, but I am truly lucky to still have you in my life!  Thank you for your generous donation!  Xo

Brian Sheehan:  Thanks for your very substantial donation and support.  Extremely thoughtful!   I will certainly practice standing on my seat so I can spread my arms out like I’m flying while on the ride – and have someone take a photo of me, as well!  Again – thank you!

Richie Diver:  I’m incredibly thankful for your donation and support…as well as our friendship throughout the years.  I don’t have many opportunities to express that to you.  So, thank you.  My best to you, Shelia and the baby!  I know I’ll see you guys soon – and I’m looking forward to it!

Meghan Rivard:  I’m extremely thankful our paths have crossed in most recent years.   We’ve certainly embarked on our own journeys, haven’t we!  Thank you for your words of wisdom and guidance.  I’m thankful for them… and your donation!  My best for you on your new beginning!  Xo

Julie Marchione:  As I’ve said before, there are those friendships where we don’t often get to experience as time goes on.  Thank you for your donation and support!  It’s greatly valued! 

My last thank you goes out to several members of my family:

·      My mother (Karen Meehan) and twin brother (Terrence Meehan) for kindly donating three nights of hotel stays throughout the ride, particularly on days where I’ll be riding the longest/hardest.   I cannot tell you enough how much the hot shower and comfortable bed will mean to me!  So thoughtful of you … and generous, considering you’re both flying out to LA to watch me cross the finish line, as well. 

·      My sister (Molly Meehan-Scuglik) and brother-in-law (Rob Scuglik) for gifting me my sleeping bag.  I know I’ll be saying 1000 thank yous for this when camping out on the days I won’t have the warm hotel room bed. 

·      My brother (Marty Meehan) and sister-in-law (Joanne Sheahan Meehan) for generously donating my round-trip bike shipment.  An extremely generous contribution…which I am very grateful for!  

2 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours – until I begin this journey.

Thank you to EVERYONE for staying with me during all of this!  Hopeful for more to come!

Until then, I’m riding on.