Took a little time to regroup...

http://www.tofighthiv.org/goto/timothymeehan

I took a few weeks off.  Life, and everything in it, happened.  It continues to happen.  I’ve been meaning to carve out some time to post updates.  I certainly didn't want to post just anything. I want the posts to be meaningful and of substance.  Nonetheless, I had to re-focus on prioritizing some issues that have been falling to the wayside (self-care, work, school, relationships). 

This time has given me some room to think (as if I need to do more of that?).  Every morning I get up and embrace the 18 hour day ahead of me.  I often take a few moments before planting my feet on the ground from my bed to reflect on what's in store ahead of me. I usually end up asking the question “what have I gotten myself into?” ...I stretch, take a shower and then head off to work to face a myriad of challenges and the multiple roles I play throughout each day (friend, sibling, son, lover, student, peer, employee, colleague, counselor…now a rider).   It’s usually while I’m in the shower and the hot water running on me that I can take the time to think and wake up ….and I remind myself how I am where I am for a reason; because I wanted to be here.

The road(blocks) I've encountered these past few weeks have been exhausting,  yet interesting, and struck further curiosity within me: helping me refocus my attention on taking the “band-aids” off problems created by others and attempting to fix systemic issues (both internal and external) that are not particularly mine to fix, and certainly affect me in all the roles I play.  It’s brought a deeper meaning for me to see how others act and react to certain problems or concerns and it’s made me reflect on my own personal transference.

I’ve compared what I’m going through today to my former life working in film and television for 10 years – where days seemed endless and problems arose that needed fixing every other minute.  In contrast, those days were EASY and, perhaps, robotic.   I don’t undermine all of my hard work during all those years (it was certainly hard work).  I wasn’t working on or for myself.  That’s the difference.  It makes this hard work much more meaningful for me.   I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for what I’ve experienced.   My past is what makes me better.

I recently had a friend remind me of how much of an overachiever I am.  (The irony of this friend reminding me of this character trait is that our relationship has ebbed and flowed, in part, because of my over achievement, among other things). I accepted that…almost as a compliment.  I work hard.  I strive for better things in life...for me.  I go above and beyond…I perform and expect success…I come up with plan B’s before plan A’s are set in stone.  More than expected.   Isn’t that what we should be doing?

I know this all sounds a bit vague, broad, and existential...and “inner monologue-esque.”   And it sort of is.  :)  Trust me when I say that I’m learning how my voice matters in the world.  How much impact I have on changing things for me. 

I'm trusting the process....that's what I'm supposed to be doing, right?  Right!

I bring it all back to this ride…and the role YOU all do to help me realize this, as well.  I’m riding for my plan B.  I’m riding for my happiness.  And I can’t say thank you enough for letting me do that!

I’ve upped my fundraising goal once…and you ALL made it possible for me to reach my fundraising goal for a SECOND time!  I am indebted to every single one of you…in donations and support!

SHOUTOUTS

Patricia Henaghan:   Thank you for your donation -- and your note.  How inspiring!  SO many years have passed between us.  Your thoughts and kindness are with me and will be with me on this journey. 

Tim & Annie Leyden:  Wow!  Your generosity means the world…and tells me how much you believe in me!  I truly appreciate your help!

Tammy Moore:   mmm hmmm!  You keep me on my toes everyday.  You bring it…and you help me “make it count!”  From the bottom of my heart….thank you, friend!

Amber Tanty:  Bamberino!  A true beauty!   Thank you for your excitement with this journey.  Your help to make this goal become a reality is not lost!  I really appreciate your love and support.  Right back at ya!

Sara Perfetti Whelton:  Nothing changes with us!!  You’re certainly a friend, who after many years between us, that I can pick back up with as if I saw you last week!  TT rides on…thanks to your support!

Teena Deocales Byl:  I mirror my previous sentiment above – no matter how much time comes between us, you and I can pick up and laugh just as if we were on set…reminding me about when you had MY MORNING JACKET band members carry my passed out body off a hotel bed and into a tub (after I rip the shower curtain down, of course).  Ahh – our 20’s were great, weren’t they?  Thank you for keeping me honest…always….and your donation, love and support!  MWAH

Laura Norris (and Matt):  Sassmaster.  Our friendship has grown so much over the years…I wouldn’t have it any other way!  Your friendship brings so much to me – more than you know.  You keep me real and honest (more than I already am)…and I love you for that.   You are way to generous – in life and with this cause.  I cannot thank you (both) enough for it!  Xo

MaryAnne Tracy – one of my oldest and dearest!  You and I have been through so much throughout the years…more than most do in a lifetime.  I wouldn’t have it any other way!  I love you to the moon and back! 

Onward…